Hey :(

          Hey guys, this seems so....ridiculous and I feel so childish doing it. Like a kid writing in their diary and hoping that no one see's it. Except for, it's for everyone to see and I hope someone reads this and finds comfort in the feeling of not being alone, or having someone relate to you. Hopefully you guys can, or hopefully your lives are super perfect and nothing bad ever happens, ever! <3 Kudos.
So the reason for this post is to redirect my feelings from being sad and upset to , maybe getting everything out to comfort myself and explain to you guys and myself why I am feeling this way and what I can do to fix it.
          So the boyfriend and I are researching places to live, craigslist hardcore and calling places up. Well, my bf is doing most of this right now, I am really looking forward to going on a walk and getting the f* out of dodge right now. [I am pretty sure that I've never used this phrase until now!]
Here's the scoop;
          My bf is on the phone talking to a manager of an apartment complex that we are looking into living at. His mom is at the door, (the door is very tightly ajar--like barely open) and she doesn't open the door but is just calling his name. I open the door and she asks about her keys. I recite to my boyfriend that his mom wants her keys. He asks the man to hold on , and then gets up and closes the door on his mom (it slams because of the wind.) So-One) RUDE! & gets back on the phone. He's on the phone and says something about more money to the apartment because of something I didn't hear , I thought he said since there's two people the rent would more. Out loud I said, "What the fuck." and it upset him and he made some gesture to me of his disapproval. I say, "You're annoying." Which I do regret saying because I am totally an empathize"r"  like hardcore, and yeah. He calls me this all the time, which hurts my feelings. With this as fact,  I definitely should not have called him that because of course it's going to hurt his feelings too.
          It's just that he gets so serious when he's on the phone, it's like the voice is more important then the actual person in front of you. I know that he is talking to someone who is important, but that doesn't mean you have to like completely ignore and be rude to everyone else. I love him so much though, oh so much <3
          I want to talk to him, but he's still mad. He already got up and walked away while I was typing this, and I could see him in my peripheral staring at me, with an upset look and came back a few minutes after. Now I just feel bad, I think it's best for me to just go away right now, and come back with his tension gone and his mind in a different place. I don't know people. This is just one of those things ya know. Anyways, my wrist hurts because of this angle. I need to walk it out.

That , "Good-Good" that just makes you cry!

Wow! And I do mean WOW! So, this isn't the first time-but the first time I am letting you all know. Well, let's get down to it. So, everyone-Lol. I'm sorry, I am just terribly nervous-I honestly was not nervous until this very moment. Okay, I'll just blurt it out! SEX! SEX! SEX! :D Ah, I said it. There are so many different types, ways and styles of having sex, making love and engaging in , "coitus." Let's be clear, I had had crazy, growling, screaming and panting sex and it has been great and most enjoyable. When you are in love, you can still have that same type of sex and it will be great too. I always thought this was , "my style" of sex. I found out, that I don't have just one style. I like them all. And one that is so unbelievably magical is truly, making love with the person that you care most about and that cares about you. Your true lover. Them being them , will just make it what it is. Also, the way in which you make love will affect your emotions in the moment. And sometimes it can just make you cry! Especially if you and your lover were having a quarrel or feeling down about something. When you unite and cure each other with your faces, your words, your heart and your organs(; it can be a moment that is incredibly beautiful. Every moment is beautiful when you are in love and about you and your lovers togetherness, but at these moments, every inch of my body is at it's max points of pleasure and passion is the main ingredient in my body, flowing through every vein, pumping my heart and squeezing tears out of my eyes <3
         

I Published a story!

I GOT MY SCORE! (:

          Hey guys! So, my last post was in regards to my GED testing and guess what!? I PASSED! YAY! So, the GED consists of 4 tests, including : social studies, science, mathematical reasoning and reasoning through language arts. I took the social studies test and I passed with a 173/200 ! (: Yayy, I knoww, that's like not perfect in which I would have liked it too be, but apparently I passed with honors ! (: By 3 points, but still! Three is my favourite number! (: I am just so happy and glad, that I am that much closer to college. It is super great because I only have three test left, (again the number #3) and then I'm done! AHHH! (: I am almost there, I can't wait!
          That about sums it up, when I take my next test I will let you guys know and keep you updated, this is just so much excitement that needs to be shared with you all (: If you have  any questions please feel free to comment below and I will be sure to reply! Thank you! XOXO

GED TESTING && SENIOR PROJECTING! AH! >:D

Hello one and all and welcome to today! This is a crucial day for me && my hubby to be! <3 (Not engaged or anything, just teen angst about marriage and love and all that shenanigans !) So tomorrow, for my boyfriend his name is Connor <3 Yay, Connor (: He has to present his senior project tomorrow to a room full of people. In this case, it's not as major of an audience (well I don't really know for sure) , and I say this because the high school that we went too (& that he has one project to do for) is an alternative one so, you know we get all the loopholes and hookups ! ...Kind of ! But yeah, he made a musical album and will be presenting that. I'm super excited for him ! Tonight we have to work so hard on the writing portion of that, or I guess...I do so he can finalize all of his tracks ! That will be...oh ...so...much..funn :) (Kind of sarcastic, kind of serious, kind of not serious more sarcastic <3) But we'll have a lot on our hands.
          In more recent happening is in well, about an hour I must leave for I will be taking my first GED test today! Ah, at this moment I'm thinking, man. Maybe I should have scheduled it so I could have a day off to study and think and lollygag, but that time is too late. It's been paid for and is happening, so I must go (: I am taking the Social Studies test, in which I have had much luck on with practice testing but must continue to do so and pass and be extra spectacularly awesome. This is the year 2014, and this year they have changed the GED testing from previous years. Apparently about every 10 years, the GED testing is renewed to coincide with that of the level of a 12th Grade High School student. It is also online, on a computer instead of being written. There are interactive things like dragging and dropping key words, or arranging things in the order that they go in. Anyways, I have to @ the bus stop at 11:57, well before that so-yeah I gotta go study (I'm so baddd <3). I will be sure to let you guys know how it went and all that loveliness when I do return (: Thank you all for reading, an read on !

F*ck , we're stuck on the freeway!!!

Wow! What a night!? So for starters I live in Washington state in a city near Seattle, I was born and raised there ; High Point in '99 -'02 After getting comfortable in bed. I agree to go with my sister from Lynnwood, WA to Federal Way to Tacoma and then back to Lynnwood , where I live. So before we reach out first destination (Fed Town) we stop by a gas station and added $16.00 in the tank--in my Dad's 1990 White Cadillac DeVille , the interior of the car is a khaki/Beige-ish. The ceiling is fuzzy and the seats are made out of leather, that has been worn from years of wear. They've became somewhat slumped over. The car itself also apparently eats gas, that's how it has the energy to become a transformer in the night ! Anyways, so my sister and I were going to pick up her mom, and her moms girlfriend. By the time we picked up her mom, I was cuddled in a nice cuddle in the slumped leather seats. She was given $40 and we still somehow ran out of gas. My sister planned to put in the gas when we returned to Lynnwood, but...we suddenly came to a sudden stop that woke me up . She said, " I thought it said '3' not 'E' !" To the state patrol #1 that pulled in behind us as we were parked on the side of the freeway. On I-5 near Northgate we sat in the car , as my, "stepmom" and her girlfriend (well, side girl) walked along the side of I-5 and walked about 20 minutes on the freeway to the gas station! We attempted to call a taxi before they started walking , but they hung up on us! They said that it was illegal for them to do that. The state trooper said that it wasn't illegal, but they sent the phone call to somewhere else and no one answered. This blonde haired blue eyed man (; also told us that he has found more criminals that are in broke down cars then when they are driving. When they pull over they can't really go anywhere. A time he told us about was when he pulled over an old woman and she killed her husband and had his dead body in the trunk! Apparently he was rich and she wanted his money. Oh my god !? I can't even imagine how that went! Anyways a second patrol came by, also blonde hair blue eyed but this time she was a woman. My stepmom came back and they put a gallon in the tank, and we drove to the nearest gas station! Then made it home , first to walmart to get some liquor before the deadline of 2 AM! Then home to sleep, well for everyone that has plans for today. My dad, his exgirlfriend/baby's mom and her side girl stayed up all night partying(: Lol. It's alright my moms off with her boyfriend so it's alright--yeah, sh!ts f*cked up!

TO DO #01

To Do List #1...

• Call places I applied for
• Print resumes
• Schedule interviews
• Get food handlers permit
• Get a job (:
• Make $$$$$
• Find photographers
• Configure how much $ it will cost to make a portfolio
• Get pictures taken
• Create portfolio
• Apply for modeling agencies
• Find talent gigs
• Make $$$$$$$$
• Sell things on craigslist
• Sell things on ebay
• Promote on blog (:
• Make jewelry 
• Blog it up!

Big City Dreams

Hello lovelies. Ugh, so here I am ...AGAIN! Stuck in between a hard place and a really hard place ,  ;)wink wink ! I have had about 3 weeks of constant job searching, emailing , resume editing and now it's time for the calling and scheduling an interview. I hope they like me!! I'm pretty good at getting a long with everybody , most of the time because I get to know how people operate and behave accordingly. Though, I'm pretty damn tired of changing who I am to fit somebody else's needs, I've done it for so long that I've deprived myself from expressing who I truly am. Well, kinda. I am genuinely a nice and considerate person who tends to care about everyone. This trait is mostly good but also f*d when people take advantage of your kindness. It sucks , badd. Though I learned so much from the people that have been in my lives, family, best friends people that I have , "love" and especially a person that I have LOVE interests with <3
      Today is about progression !  I have a to do plan to make and things to do on that to do list (:

Ladies and girls!

     So, I'm just writing a post {and watching family guy}, and my mind drifts to thinking about friends. This leads me to think about how I usually get a long with men then women. Or, let's see...how do I rephrase this. Well for one, I get a long with everrrrryone....practically...I am just really kind hearted and a little bit of a push over. Though as I grow, I'm learning to have a little more backbone--well, it's not like I can grow more bone, all that I'm doing is learning how to actually use it.
     So there's this little part of the brain called the Oedipus complex! I don't know all the deets but it has something to with our parents teaching us gender roles, from infants we learn how a men and women behave. When we begin to socially interact , we learn everything from our parents, siblings , friends and  from everything around us. We learn a lot by the toys that we are allowed to play with. In a anthropology class , an assignment had been given to us stating to walk down an aisle of toys and observe what you see.
     I witnessed lots of pink and purple coloured toys . Lots of baby dolls, strollers, barbies, mermaids , princess, dolls from kid movies and shows. Doll houses, grocery carts with food, easy bake ovens and fake nails and makeup. Also tons of One Direction dolls, some sung and some didn't, they were pretty bad impressions of actual faces of human beings . I believe this teaches girls to take care of babies and to encourage the idea if being a mother when we are babies ourselves! The idea of grocery shopping and cooking are enforced (though I have to admit I did love my easy bake oven). Also the portrayal of Barbies and dolls are so , "perfected" and their characters are deemed as more wonderful, beautiful and better than everyone else, the Cinderella compared to her her ugly step sisters. Encouraging girls that if they don't look like these princess' --or better yet the girls that do look like these princess' are better than you. That if you put on fake nails, makeup and extensions that you will be just like all your beautiful dolls.
     For boys there were lots of black and grey coloured toys, action "hero figures" (even the term of dolls are gender biased) such as superman , the Incredible Hulk , Darth Vader and wrestling stars. Light sabers of  course, little hot wheels cars, fire trucks and guns.  This teaches boys to be the super heros of society. To have lots of muscle and to be aggressive and fight and wear dark colours. That to be attractive to women you have to look a certain way and behave a certain way.
     Most of all , boys knowing that their not suppose to play with girl toys teaches them that women are suppose to cook and take care of the children, and that girls are suppose to look like Barbies , because that is , "girl stuff." Girls learn that boys are suppose to look like Superman, and they are the protectors --they're Heros, fire fighters they are aggressive.
     My main point that I'm getting at is that, when your mom is aggressive and crazy to you and you become more comfortable with your father rather than your mother, you become more comfortable with men then women. I guess I'm talking about myself though...it's just that my dad was nicer then my mom. I was taught and continue to learn and am fine tuned to the sourness seen in women. How poisonous and ignorant that they can be. Though it is not just a gender thing, it is a human thing. And my moms not totally evil. But , I just ....tend to get a long with men more then women. Though I do get a long with women and I myself am an equal opportunist when it comes to loving humans(; but I also hate everybody...but not everrrryyyone {:

To be with or to be with out , that is the question

It's one of those times that I have to sit back and think, what is it that I really want out of life. What do I truly want to do with myself ...sometimes it's just so hard figuring it all out but I'll get there. In my life I've made some, "Wrong turns" but now I'm trying to reroute myself to the correct destination. When the negative seems to over weigh the #positive vibes, it can be so overwhelming! The passing of a family member , of a loved one, of a beloved friend or pet <3 The pain , digs deep into the realm of pure feeling , that it forever changes you. Struggling through divorce, or separation of your parents has always scared me. I have been lucky to have both of my parents together and married for 18 years, so being a fragile child I never dealt with spending the week with my mom and the weekend with my dad like many of my friends and people that I know and care for that have.
     Though I never dealt with the separation, the tensions and threat of divorce has been persistent since I was a child. Not everyday , and not always but when it happened it was bad. That is a story for a mother day. Today is about using that strength that is gained from bad experience to rests posh the future(: